Spaces Between My Fingers
by alwaysloveyouthemost
Summary: Sometimes love comes at you in unexpected ways. Sometimes it makes you realize things about yourself that you were too scared to explore before. This story is about how a friends with benefits relationship turns into something more, and how Santana deals with it. All from Santana's POV. Rated T right now but may change to M.
1. Chapter 1

_Just an idea that I had. If enough people like it I'll continue. :)_

_Starts before Santana and Brittany started dating / before Santana came out. Santana is dating Puck. They're in Glee club. Quinn isn't pregnant. Mostly from Santana's POV._

_**Disclaimer:** Sadly, I do not own Glee or any of it's characters. You can tell because Brittany didn't graduate._

_Rated T right now but may change to M in later chapters._

* * *

Love. It's a funny thing, really. It sneaks up on you when you least expect it, grabs you by the shoulder and covers your mouth to muffle your screams. It's deaf—it doesn't hear you beg it to leave, doesn't hear that you don't want it. It's blind—it doesn't notice your tears or see the pain in your heart, where it resides. It's cruel. It'll throw you on the cold stone floor with no padding to break your fall and no blanket to comfort you. It's like a boomerang. It comes back no matter how many times you throw it away. And it is absolutely and completely overpowering.

* * *

"Hey, San?" A familiar voice called from the darkness, pulling Santana from her half-slumber. She didn't need to turn around; she already knew who she'd see. There was only one other person in the room with her, after all.

"Mhm?" She hummed, too tired to form any actual words.

"I liked this," Brittany told her. The pang of emotion in her chest woke Santana up fully. She had liked it too—maybe a little bit too much. "We should do it more…" Brittany continued. Santana didn't know what to say. Sex with Brittany had been great but she felt… dirty. She felt like she had taken advantage of Brittany. She felt wrong for doing it with another girl, especially her best friend. But on the other hand, above all of that, she felt so so good. Eventually, she turned to the blonde and smiled. Brittany smiled too and Santana felt a needle jab her heart. She was so innocent, even now. "I agree," Santana said. Brittany's smile got wider.

For the rest of the night, Brittany kept trying to cuddle with Santana but Santana refused, lying as far away on the bed from Brittany as she could. She didn't cuddle after sex. You only cuddled after sex that meant something, and this didn't mean anything. _It was just fucking, _Santana told herself. Then why didn't it feel like that?

o-o-o-o-o

Santana woke up early to Brittany's arms around her. _Sneaky bitch,_ she thought but couldn't help but smile. Brittany's face was calm as she slept and her breathing was silent and rhythmic. In and out, in and out. _She looks like an angel, _Santana thought but then quickly pushed the thought away. She had to get out of this bed. Now. She gently pulled Brittany's arms from around her waist and slid out of the bed, putting her pillow for Brittany to hug instead. With one more lingering glance at her best friend, she slipped out of her bedroom and walked down the hall to the bathroom. She heard Brittany's parents talking quietly in their room. Santana hadn't heard them come in the night before so they must have come home after she fell asleep. She quietly walked to the bathroom and shut the door behind her.

There was one thing that she didn't get. Why was it such a big deal to her? She had sex all the time and she didn't give a rat's ass about any of the guys that she had done it with. Maybe it was because Brittany was like a kitten to her. A cute, innocent kitten. You weren't supposed to have sex with kittens, and you definitely weren't supposed to enjoy it. Oh, she knew that Brittany had had her fair share of meaningless sex too but that was different. None of the guys saw her like Santana did—she had meant nothing to any of them, but she meant so much to Santana that it scared her. You weren't supposed to care about your fuck buddies. She sighed and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was a mess. She picked up a brush that was lying near the sink and was about to brush her hair with it when she noticed the blonde hairs on it. Sighing, she gently rested it back on the same spot and smoothed her hair down with her fingers instead. _That's better, _she thought to herself_. _Before she could start worrying again, she heard a soft knock on the bathroom door. She waited. Was it Brittany's mom? Her dad? "San? Are you in here?" Brittany. Of course. "Yes." She opened the door, looked at the girl standing there, mumbled "morning" and walked away, back to Brittany's room. "We need to get ready for school," she said as she walked, not looking back. She could almost hear Brittany's frown.

* * *

**_A/N: That wasn't long at all, sorry. Please bear with me. Hope that you enjoyed it anyways and please review! I'll continue this story if people like it :) Also, please tell me if there are any mistakes and I'll fix them._  
**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Glee. If I did Wemma would be married already.**_

_So here's what you missed on Glee. Santana slept over at Brittany's house but they didn't do much sleeping and now Santana feels guilty about it. Will she be able to sort out her feelings? Will it happen again? Who knows! And that's what you missed, on Glee!_

* * *

Sometimes love comes at you in… unexpected ways. And when it does, it's scary. What happened to 'normal' love, the one that you learnt about from your parents and everyone else? It's scary, that feeling inside of you. It's even scarier when it's unusual; when it's not what your friends talked about on the phone to you, but something that no one would dare bring up, due to the fear of ridicule and shame. The scariest part, though, is how quickly it can grow. How it can grow from a small bud into a blooming flower in just a matter of weeks. Days, even. But unfortunately, fear doesn't drive scary things away.

* * *

As soon as she felt them, Santana knew that the pair of rough hands that had grabbed her waist from behind weren't the hands that she wanted there. She barely had time to turn to face the owner before he leaned in and roughly pressed his lips against hers. "Hey, babe," her boyfriend said, grinning before pushing her up against her locker, causing it to slam shut and continued to kiss her.

Santana pushed him away. "I'm not in the mood, Puck." She turned away from him, opened her locker again and continued to search for the books for her next class.

"What did I do?" Puck's frustration was evident in his voice. Santana ignored him. "Psh, whatever dude." She listened to the fading sound of his footsteps and sighed. She didn't have the strength to put up with him today. The funny part was, she didn't even feel bad about cheating. She knew that he was fucking other girls behind her back, so why couldn't _she_ fuck other... girls behind his back? No, she didn't feel bad at all. She wasn't an idiot; she knew that their relationship was mostly sexual anyways. She pulled the books from her locker and angrily slammed the door shut.

Suddenly a voice said from behind her, "hey San!" Santana would recognize that voice anywhere.

She turned around and smiled slightly, "Hey, Britt-Britt."

"What's wrong? You look upset." Santana's smile faltered at Brittany's words. "Puck and I just got into a fight," she rolled her eyes.

"Aww," Brittany frowned and pulled Santana in for a sweet hug. By the time she pulled away and stuck out her pinky finger, Santana was smiling again. "Thanks, Britt. Let's go to class," she smiled as she looked at Brittany's pinky finger then tentatively hooked her own around it. They walked to class together.

-o-o-o-o-o-

_"I'm talkin' pedicure on our toes toes, tryin' on all our clothes clothes, boys blowin' up our ph-" _Santana's eyes shot open at her loud ringtone and she reached for the phone on her dressing table, eyes still half closed. "Hello?" She impatiently snapped at whoever had called her. _Who the hell makes phone calls at 12 am?_ Santana thought to herself as she waited for a reply from the other end. "Answer, dammit!" Finally, "hey San!" Santana rolled her eyes but couldn't help but smile. Leave it to Brittany to call her at this time.

Her tone softened. "Hey, Britt. Why are you still up?" She yawned halfway through her question.

"Because I wanted to talk to you, silly. And I can't sleep. Can you come over?"

Santana hesitated before replying, "I can't." She heard Brittany exhale in disappointment and added, "I'm sorry."

"Why not?" Santana could almost hear Brittany's pout on the other line. "Because it's almost 1am, Britt and my mom wouldn't let me," Santana explained calmly. It wasn't _technically _a lie. It was true that her mom wouldn't let her but she would've been able to sneak out. "If you want I can stay up and text you until you fall asleep?" She hoped that her compromise would cheer Brittany up a bit.

"I'll just hang out with Lord Tubbington," Brittany sighed. "Goodnight, San."

Santana opened her mouth to say something else but stopped herself and instead just said, "night, Britt. And don't you stay up too late." The line went dead and she all but tossed her phone on the floor. She felt terrible for letting Brittany down—it always made her sad to know that Brittany was sad—but in her defence, it was a ridiculous request. _That I had wanted so badly to say yes to_, she thought bitterly, resting her head on her pillow and pulling up her blanket. _So badly. _

* * *

**_A/N: Thanks a lot to the 2 anons that reviewed this and the few people that favourited/followed it._** _**This chapter wasn't that long either but if this gets good feedback I promise a long chapter 3. So please review :) **_


End file.
